To be Forgotten is the most Painful

I have mentioned in my previous post that I didn't want to go crawling to my friends and rant about my problems because I didn't want to be a burden to them but, I sometimes ask myself, do I really have friends? Maybe I did at some point in my life.

It must be true when they say that "people come and go" out of our lives. I really feel lonely right now Mr. Pillow. I don't know until when I'd be able to continue living like this. I thought of committing suicide sometimes but, I always try and pick myself up and motivate myself that I still have my dreams to fulfill. I cannot end my life so easily, plus, I should be grateful that I have been given a life (I am sorry if I have been thinking this way).

Why is it so difficult to find people who will stay in your life forever ( well, my family has always been with me, but it's different! You know what I mean). Friends? Where are you? I honestly feel lonely even when I am surrounded with these people who I consider as my friends ever since. And now, suddenly moving to another country I felt that we have lost our bond. I don't need a large group of people; one person is enough for me. All I am wishing for is for someone to stay by my side for a long time. Someone who I could listen to; who would sincerely listen to me. Someone who I can laugh with, go on road trips, share problems and secrets with. Someone to trust and will never have the nerve to betray you. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why is it so difficult to make friends? Am I that weird of a person?

What brings my spirit down these days too, is that, there is a 97% chance that I will not get married (that's how I see it for now... And according to my parents too, since I haven't been dating anyone for years). Although I know I am still in my early 20's (don't get me wrong, I am not rushing to be in a relationship or anything). Sometimes I am also starting to lose hope in meeting the right person since I do not know if I am still capable of loving someone in a romantic way. I am losing my confidence in myself.

Maybe guys are not attracted to me because I'm short legged, chubz... I guess... ok! ok! I am a chubz! hahaha... I play video games, I read manga, I still like animations, I don't wear fancy dresses and a lot of girly clothes, although, I wear makeup... sometimes. My voice is also, not that girly, I have short hair, I work in minimum wage... I don't know anymore. I am lacking a lot of things maybe but, I still have that little hope that one day someone will accept me for who I am.

Ah! I DON'T KNOW! I'll stop here for now. I don't want to contaminate the Internet with my ranting. Time to go back to my imaginary world.

FOREVER ALONE???

And for people like me who is hanging on a thread...

NEVER GIVE UP!! Let us motivate each other.